Mama in the City

A blog about raising my family in downtown Vancouver

Feeling The Guilt: Sweet Moments With My Boy

I'm really slowing down these days and am feeling somewhat disappointed with myself. I know! I know! I'm really pregnant I should be slowing down, but I still find it hard. I envisioned this time off from work, before the baby came, as endless chances to do fun outings and meet up with girlfriends and just get stuff done. The truth is, I just want to lay on the couch.

This leaves me with this constant mind tackle where I plan an event or an outing, but when the time comes for me to bend over and put my shoes on I'd really just rather stay at home. Considering I used to be so active and always had daily field trips with Ben, I'm taking this change of pace a bit hard.

I'm nearing 35 weeks and the baby is quite low and a good size. So, my ability to keep up with my usual walks around the city has been greatly compromised (err...lots of pressure!). Taxi drivers are scared to pick me up and one was worried I was going to give birth in his cab and was taking the corners extra slow. I wasn't even huffing and puffing, I just have a generous sized belly.

Today I mustered up some energy to get out with Ben, mainly because I was feeling guilty for letting him watch 'just 1 more TV show' as I lazed on the couch. It took all my energy to walk the half a dozen city blocks and up a steep hill but I did it and we got to the good coffee shop! Once we were sitting and sipping our drinks I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it back home. So, we sat a bit longer and then I pushed myself to take Ben up the street to one of his favourite playgrounds. I keep wondering if this might be our last chance at spending this time together.

I want to really cherish these last weeks with just being a mum to Ben and being able to give him all the attention he wants. My problem is, I'd just rather do it from the couch!


Molly W said...

I've defiantly hit that stage too. I keep rescheduling "dates" with friends because I'd rather take a nap. yawn. Hang in there. 

PS: Can Ben be any cuter? How do you say no to those sweet little eyes?

December 20, 2011 at 5:15 PM  
Erin Hemmings said...

I can totally understand how you feel but know his age he will not remember you not taking him out on awesome daily adventures. He just wants to spend time with you!  Take it easy and grow that baby!

December 20, 2011 at 5:58 PM  
Tarable said...

I had symphysis pubis disfunction with both my pregnancies.  It was really bad with my second when I had a little one to tend to and keep up with and entertain.  I was so incapacitated near the end and I felt so bad for not being able to do the things I felt I should do.  I totally get your feelings of guilt.  Hope you manage to find a way to be content and comfortable for your remaining weeks.   

December 20, 2011 at 11:41 PM  

Oh! One of my girlfriends had SPD and she said it was so painful and uncomfortable! The second pregnancy is always different hey. Even minor aches and pains seem like a bigger deal when you don't get a rest and you are chasing other children around and trying your best to parent them. 

December 21, 2011 at 8:47 AM  
Margarita said...

You must look adorable!! Pictures please :) Your not super tall, which is why your belly is so prominent, if I remember properly... I'm rather tall, so I just look fat, even now at almost 5 months. . . 

December 21, 2011 at 4:21 PM  

I had similar feelings at the end of my last pregnancy, but I found that the one-on-one time with my first born is even sweeter because (1) I'm not dealing with the pregnancy symptoms and (2) I really appreciate it. Cherish from your couch, mama, it's all good! :)

December 21, 2011 at 5:58 PM  
Alicia said...

Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling the guilt.  I SO get it.  Really really get it, been feeling the guilt a lot during this pregnancy, and most of it has to do with worry over how things are affecting my little toddler, and even more, how he will be affected when the baby is actually born.  It just makes me sad for him, his whole life is about to change and he doesn't really realize it.  But then I feel guilty for feeling these things because I'm so focused on my 1st born that I feel like I'm already treating the little one I'm carrying like second fiddle.

And I already feel guilty about, "okay one more episode of Thomas" and I know it's only going to get worse when I'm also trying to nurse/care for a newborn.  Gah! 

Moms are good at the self-guilt aren't we?  I think we need to give ourselves a break.      

December 22, 2011 at 10:30 AM  
Jenny Lutes said...

I feel guilty everytime Ava wants to do something and I don't feel up for it. (My husband has been able to spend a lot of time with her which is great.) I feel winded just going up our stairs.... I used to walk everywhere and now I just don't have the stamina either. Enjoy the couch - make it an island for you two with books and toys.

December 22, 2011 at 10:31 AM  

I'm with you on this one Jenny. I had a heart breaking moment yesterday when Ben asked me what we were going to do today. He started clapping his hands and suggesting things like going to feed the ducks at Granville Island or going to the big bookshop. All things we used to do but I just can't get the oomph to do them now.

December 22, 2011 at 6:10 PM  

We are great at self guilt. It comes to me very honestly and naturally ;)

December 22, 2011 at 6:10 PM  

I think it would be harder if it was glorious sunny Summer days right now. Somehow the fact that it is Winter makes it a tad easier for me to not do anything big. I can definitely make the living room our little oasis.

December 22, 2011 at 6:12 PM  

The belly is in full force right now, that is for sure. I've worked with some ladies who were so tall and long in the pelvis that they were able to totally conceal their pregnancy until well into the 20-24th week. For me, people were guessing around 15 weeks.

December 22, 2011 at 6:13 PM  
Amanda said...

There is always SOMETHING to feel guilt about as a Mama, isn't there? Just the fact that you are thinking about it and doing your best to make these moments special says a lot!

December 23, 2011 at 7:44 AM  

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