Mama in the City

A blog about raising my family in downtown Vancouver

"So, when are you having another baby?"

A question I get asked at least 5 times a week is, 'when are you going to have another baby?'. I know it is human nature to be inquisitive and inquire about these types of questions in other peoples lives but I really don't have a decisive answer to give. Last week, during 1 of the 5 times, I gave it a bit more thought that usual. When will we have another baby?

Ben's first year of life was so much harder than I had thought and he was so much more baby than I had imagined. I only started to feel like things were manageable at about 14-15 months into the job of motherhood. This correlates strongly with when my baby started sleeping peacefully through the night. Hmm...coincidence?

The answer is, yes we do want to have another baby! In our ideal world we will have 2 children and be a family of 4 but the thing is (you've been waiting for me to tell you about the thing, right?) I am really happy and content right now. Ben is a fantastic toddler and we have a great work life family balance going on right now. I finally feel like all things are in line and am not sure why if I want to mix that up right now. I have dinners out with girlfriends, share a bottle of wine with my husband and am starting to enjoy this all night sleep in a major way.

So, my question to YOU is simple: when did you feel the time was right to have another baby join your family? Maybe you don't have any babies but you might still have a strong feeling about this.

Don't forget that June is my 1 year blogiversary and there are presents to be had!


Kristin said...

Hello Andrea,
That is such a big question. For me, after my first daughter was born, I was set on having another that would be 3 years apart. For some reason it seemed that everyone was saying 18 months or 3 years. We chose the later because we thought it would be "easier." My second girl ended up coming along at just over 2.5 years difference.
Now that my girls are 3.5y and 9 months, I am looking back at the experience and thinking really, it makes no difference. ANY age spread will present challenges...18 month, 3 years or even 5 years difference will all present different demands and I don't think any age difference would be easier than the other.
I was really worried that I hadn't loved up my oldest girl enough before girl #2 came along. Did we really make the most of the ease of having only 1 child that did sleep through the night and had more independence??? I think we did?? Maybe?? And if we didn't, I can't even remember life without my youngest anymore anyway...We are a family of 4 now and its perfect for us at this stage! Its all worth it to us! And, for me, the second 1st year with a baby has been WAY easier than the first so I am very very lucky.
With that said, I say enjoy every ounce of your boy and wait until those "urge to have a baby" feelings come on again!
Until then, raise a glass of wine and toast to all those great nights of sleep you are getting now!
: )

June 9, 2010 at 9:46 PM  
Emily said...

Oh its a tough one. I'm asked a lot because it seems like everyone who got pregnant around the time I did is now trying again. I just want to scream at them "Are you kidding me???" I'm not sleeping through the night (neither is the baby, lol), I barely, barely am scraping by and holding my shit together (and from what I can tell most of these women are similar) why on earth would I want to introduce another baby into the mix?

I have always said I would like to start trying when Little Miss is two - long enough that I can get over the baby-ness, enjoy her through to toddlerhood and then hopefully she'll have a better understanding of what's going on (and to stop trying to bludgeon her sibling to death with her blocks).

One of my MIL's best friends is a UK health visitor and she told me that in the long run, across the board, she's seen the best age difference to be 3 years - so I'm willing to put her 35+ years of experience to the test!

June 10, 2010 at 3:56 PM  
Andrea said...

Thanks Kristen and Emily...I really appreciate hearing your tips and ideas on the second baby front. I know I have friends who wanted their babies back to back and are quite happy with that. I don't fit into that but I do feel comfortable with the idea of a few years between my children. I really really am enjoying being able to spend such great time paying attention to Ben's toddlerhood and all his continuing 'firsts'.

June 10, 2010 at 6:18 PM  
Krista said...

I don't have any children but I do have an opinion on the question (not the answer, since I obviously have no experience with the timing thing).

I don't mind being asked IF we would like to have children - but I hate it when people jump straight to the WHEN question.

For some reason, the assumption that we are planning to have children (or are even physically able to have children) really, really bothers me! It could be completely irrational but it's how I feel. I hide it well at family events though :)

June 10, 2010 at 10:30 PM  
Chatelaine said...

Great post topic! I think that there is no one answer on what is best for child spacing. The thing to remember is, even if you plan out with extreme precision external factors can get in the way. Maybe it takes you longer to get pregnant or you have a miscarriage or etc etc. So, enjoy your life right now how it is and when you start to get your baby fever...maybe start trying then.

June 11, 2010 at 2:59 AM  
Kristen said...

When we wanted a 2nd (and 3rd) baby turned out not to be left up to us. We had a miscarriage in between each of our babies and it took more than a year of trying from our last miscarriage to conceive fact we had come to the conclusion that maybe we weren't meant to have any more children and started selling off our baby stuff on Kijiji, a week after we sold the crib we found out we were pregnant. I'm glad that she did come (on her own time) as we knew after we had Jeremy that our family wasn't complete yet with just 2. Now that we have 3, I feel like that's it. They are here, the kids that fit our family.
Building your family is such a personal thing, whether you have 1, 2 or 6 or more is up to you and your husband and really just take the external questions with a grain of salt, it's no one's business but yours.

June 11, 2010 at 7:04 PM  
Anonymous said...

We only want to have 1 child and that is the perfect family for us but I can get into such an argument with people over the same question. I get the same question A LOT. My baby is now over 1 year and we are done and that was our plan all along. I hate how shocked people are when I say that we are done with 1. People! Keep your opinions to yourself!

June 12, 2010 at 12:06 PM  

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