Mama in the City

A blog about raising my family in downtown Vancouver

Motherhood: Love It Or Leave It?

Whenever I go see my massage therapist she always asks me the same question, "so, is motherhood what you really thought it would be? Are you loving it or do you secretly sort of hate it?" She gives me a kind of 'you can tell me' look and I'm always taken aback. I secretly wonder if she asks me this question because she doesn't really love motherhood.

Then I wonder what would happen if I admit that I really did hate motherhood and it is nothing that I thought it would be. Does it make me a bad mother or just an honest one? Is it better to be honest and truthful or should we just fake it for the sake of our offspring? Will we indirectly crush their growing spirits if we admit to ourselves that motherhood is not that fun or is the honesty realistic? Amidst all the mess and the chaos it is easy to loose your memory of the really great moments with your children.

The truth for me is, I really do love being a mum and I'm happy that I am able to be the kind of mother that I want to be. Of course I have moments of extreme exasperation and I certainly had many, many of those moments back in the baby days. I'd throw my hands in the air and heave a big sigh but I never wanted to change the fact that I now shared my every moment with a child.

Especially this child and all the sweetness he brings to our family in between those moments of exasperation. Which definitely seem fewer as he gets older and can do more on his own. He brings me much happiness and so I always respond to my massage therapist with the same line, 'oh yes! I love it. I wouldn't mind sleeping a bit more but it is better than I thought it would be'.

I like learning about motherhood from this boy and I enjoy figuring out my constantly changing role as his mum. If he let me, I would smother him in kisses all day long but I have had to learn patience from this toddler boy which is something that I happened to lack.

What is your stance on motherhood? Do you relate to my massage therapist and have moments of despair?


I had a couple rough years with our eldest (when she was about 14 months until just after her third birthday) where I felt my share of despair. But she's really grown and matured into a lovely little girl and it makes those moments worth it in the end. I try to be honest about my parenting experience and people know it's definitely had its trying moments for me. I have met many people who find the honesty empowering, and then others who look at me (like my mother-in-law) and can't seem to understand why I've found motherhood such a challenge.

June 19, 2010 at 12:15 PM  

I can understand her asking that question but I find it odd and a little rude even that she asks you that question EVERY TIME she sees you! Maybe she just can't remember what you said last time, but really, I guess I have a bit of a bitchy side to my personality because I'd be inclined to respond something like, "I still love it, just like last time and the time before... why do you keep asking that? Do YOU hate motherhood?"

June 19, 2010 at 5:15 PM  
Kristin said...

Funny timing on this. I just wrote a post yesterday - an honest post -about a frustrating day as Mom. I have been so fortunate to have had 2 amazing girls. No major concerns or problems to contribute to my role and responsibilities as a mom. I use honest communication with my mom-friends to get me through the tough times. I think the more honest you can be, the more real you and your mom-friends can relate to each other. We all know what's going on behind our own doors, if we share it we might find out that we aren't so different from other moms experiencing the same challenges and troubles.
Every ounce of difficulty is worth what I get back in love and cuddles from my girls. I am very lucky to feel this way.

June 19, 2010 at 9:45 PM  
Kristin said...

ps. Love the photos of your boy! So delicious!

June 19, 2010 at 9:46 PM  
Lisa said...

On the one hand, motherhood is not the sunshine and lollipops that I dreamed it would be. But these were more the dreams I used to have about being a mother when I was a lot younger and had no clue about all it entailed.

I agree with the poster about sharing what happens behind our doors. Sometimes it makes me feel just a little more normal when I hear that another mom deals with some of the same tantrums and struggles that I deal with.

Yes there are challenging times, frustrating days and sad moments, but there are also lots of good times to. I try to embrace the low lights right along with the highlights. I love it and would not change it for the world.

June 20, 2010 at 7:52 PM  

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