Mama in the City

A blog about raising my family in downtown Vancouver

Hush Hush: The Secret World of Trying to Make a Baby

Since I wrote about my pregnancy losses readers have shared with me their struggle with infertility, both unexplained infertility and infertility complicated by medical conditions like PCOS. I have heard from readers who have experienced their own miscarriages and the private feelings that come with that. The post on pregnancy loss drew the most traffic and the most emails from all of you. Thank you, I feel really warm knowing that you shared your struggles with me.

On the day the post was published over 100 readers went on to read about pregnancy loss and more readers came each day. Probably because miscarriage is still a secret society of womanhood, so when you see someone writing about it you tend to ZOOM into it. A little relief to read someone elses experience and thoughts and to know that women have fertility struggles and lose pregnancies.

A common thread was that most of the women didn't want other people to know. It is a secret. I understand the need to protect yourself as you navigate because it is painful to talk about. Especially not knowing if you will get a negative reaction when you decide to share. Why is it that we can talk about constipation, varicose veins and body hair with no problem? Yes these are three topics I have noticed in conversations. Why can't we talk about miscarriage without being weary? Maybe for some people it is cultural and taboo to talk about but I am going to try my best to open it up with written word. I am going to be honest and I am not afraid to put my name next to miscarriage.

Many women get pregnant with ease and without trying. This is just a fact of life and it is the way we stay populated and continue to grow as a world. If you struggle to get pregnant or have lossed a pregnancy it can be painful to see women float through getting knocked up and glisten with their pregnancy sweat as they grow. You see their expanding baby bump with envy and this is normal. It is a form of jealousy but a jealousy of wanting the same thing. To be a mother, to have a child, to experience pregnancy. It is our human nature to want this and it is okay to feel that. I dedicate this post to all of you who have had to struggle or are struggling with fertility or pregnancy and to those of you ladies who have been open enough to tell me about your own personal experiences.


Amy said...

Andrea you are right. Why is it that women are not open about this. If we were actually open it would feel more normal and not so much like a disease. I think you are a wonderful woman and I enjoy reading your blog. I feel sorry for people who think this subject is off limit and tabbo to talk about.

July 14, 2009 at 9:19 AM  
M. said...

I just want to say that I have been trying to have a baby for over two years and nothing.... no reason and no heart breaks every month that we try and nothing....sometimes I feel like my world is meaningless when there is no baby and no family. I wish I could talk to my close friends about this but they either don't want a family or had one with ease...maybe it wouldnt hurt so badly if I could share my situation. *sighs*

July 14, 2009 at 8:10 PM  
Mama in the City said...

Thanks for sharing with all of us. The desire to have a baby can be so strong and overpowering. It is hard when you don't have that support from your friends and family. I know there are so many on line resources though. Different blogs about peoples actual struggles with infertility and other stuff. Have you found any good ones?

July 15, 2009 at 11:35 AM  
Mama in the City said...

I feel sorry for them too Amy. Thanks for the comment.

July 15, 2009 at 11:35 AM  

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